I came from a broken family. My father and mother decided to separate when I was five years old. Growing up, I can describe myself as someone who was very insecure. I would always aim to have high grades and top the class (in which, I often succeeded) to mask the multitudes of insecurities that I had (in which I always fail miserably).
During my freshman year in College, my boyfriend’s co-worker invited us to attend a Sunday Worship Service. After a few weeks of attending the service, someone invited me to go through Personal Discipleship and to attend a bible study group.
When my group leader asked if I want to receive Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I did not hesitate and prayed, but change did not happen overnight.
During one worship service, our pastor talked about Jesus being the Lord of all, or not at all. He mentioned that some people tend to give 99.9% of their lives to God, but leave 0.1% for themselves. He even asked jokingly: “99.9%… are you an alcohol?!” I laughed at his joke but inside me, I knew that I was of those people who sadly surrendered just 99.9% of their lives to God. I also knew very well what that 0.1% is – my 3-year relationship with my boyfriend.
I realized at that point that I needed to surrender my life fully to God. Someone prayed for me then and that was the turning point of my life.
After months of wrestling with God and a series of talks with my boyfriend, both of us decided to part ways believing that it was what God wanted us to do. It was not an easy decision to make. There were times when I was tempted to simply go back to my old life and give up my walk with God. There were times when there were just too many lies from the enemy. I came to a point where I would wonder if God had a plan for me to have a family of my own. Other times, I would cry myself to sleep thinking of how “worthless” I was.
In the midst of all these, God proved Himself faithful and true. He would always assure me through His Word and through the people around me that He has wonderful plans for me, that He has something great in store for me – beyond what I can imagine or even ask for. Slowly but surely, I found my security in God, whether I have my own family or not.
God blessed me by sending women to me who were going through the same challenges I did. I cried with them, prayed with them and believed with them. One thing that still amazes me after years of being a Christian, is the fact that after God changes us and brings us from darkness to light, He does not stop there. He then uses us to testify of His greatness and speak life into the lives of other people, so that our mess may turn into a message and our tests into testimonies.
After 7 years of being single, a good friend of mine, Russell expressed and laid down his intentions to me for marriage. We got engaged, then married after five months.
Looking at my life now, I can truly say that I did not make even a single sacrifice. In the light of what Jesus did for me, forgiving me of all my sins- past, present and future, dying at the cross for me and resurrecting to life that I may also be brought from death to life, I would not dare talk about sacrifice. All I wanted to do was to repent and obey.
Indeed, Jim Elliot put it into words so well when he said: “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.”
“The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”