CALLED TO BE YOURS
I grew up in a typical Chinese family with many beliefs. We used to believe in Buddhism while also believing in Roman Catholicism because of the strong influences of the local culture. I grew up with confusion on my mind and I always wondered why my family was so versatile when it comes to these things.
During my high school days I became a rebel, because Chinese families are not usually expressive with their emotions, there was a lack of love and attention at home. I tried to look for this outside – from my friends and different relationships. I was so desperate to find happiness that I ended up ruining my life.
I got acquainted with people who exposed me to a lot of bad things that brought dishonor to my family. I felt so lost during that time, but somehow I knew that someone was sparing me from worse things, inspite the fact that I was pushing myself to the limit.
One heartache after another eventually made me bitter towards life. During my senior year, a former boyfriend invited me to a student center near campus because he knew I was going through a tough time. I had not known then that he became a Christian after we broke up. At first, I was hesitant to join bible studies, but the change in his life was so evident that I wanted the same thing. I wanted to know what caused that change for the better.
People from that student center really invested their time, love, effort and wisdom. I remember during weekdays after class, I would sit with a pastor for hours just to listen to her. Although I had questions on the bible, I cannot deny the fact that God is so evident in the lives of the people around me. I was so envious of what they had that I told God I want to experience that too. Slowly, by His grace, my life began to change – from the friends I’d hang out with, to my attitude towards my studies, and eventually I regained my family’s trust. All I wanted to do was read and study God’s Word.
However, when I entered college, my relationship with the Lord suffered. I lost track of having God as my highest priority. I was so secure on the thought that I was going to heaven that I lost the desire to be intimate with Him. I would still go to church but my heart was far from God, so much so that I got into a relationship with an unbeliever. I struggled and insisted that there was nothing wrong. People in church started to call my attention that God is not being honored in that relationship. I was so stubborn and wanted things to go my way that I left the church.
My turning point came when God broke that relationship. I didn’t know how to react and I didn’t know what to do. I was lost again and then remembered that I have a Father who loves me more than anything. I realized that I rebelled against Him. I realized my need for Jesus. It was only then that I fully surrendered my life to Him. With small steps, God restored me from my brokenness to being contented and satisfied in Him.
My desire for an intimate relationship with Jesus was rekindled. From a Chinese church, I moved on to another church where they held services with our local language. There, I attend youth service and am encouraged to see other young people worshipping God. Everyone loves Jesus and it was contagious. Eventually, my parents joined me and also gave their lives to Him.
Eventually, God put the desire in my heart to become a full-time campus missionary. Truly, God calls His people to serve Him and bring Him glory. I am His!