Does God really love me?
There I said it! The past months were tough as I battled through a big transition, a broken heart, plus a ton of workload. The people I normally run to seemed to be unavailable or too busy for me, making all my insecurities pop out.
Though I may not have said it out loud or even thought of it. My actions and my heart were manifesting it for me. I was throwing a big tantrum against God, asking:
Does He love me?
Does He even care?
I questioned His direction and way of doing things, thinking that my ideas and my timing were best. I kept on asking “WHY?” I would enumerate to God my credentials and all the things I’ve done for Him: 7 years in ministry, working my way from the ground of zero leaders and volunteers up to 150 leaders and around 400 small group members in the university belt; events, creative ideas, and the many things I gave up for a future I could have had.
My broken heart was yet again broken. As if God was shattering it to pieces – tiny pieces. And each time I try to pray, I’d feel awkward and then stop and occupy myself with other things like Facebook, movies, activities, people or, worst, indulge in my favorite sins. I was in a downward spiral, drawing further and further away from God.
My heart was filled with pain, sadness, loneliness, guilt, lack of faith, selfishness, and the list goes on. Yet, I had to keep a strong and tough front, keeping my struggles to my self. Working full time in the ministry, it would be unheard of to have someone wavering as I had been.
Those two words were a game changer. He wanted to take hold of me when I was broken. He is the God who restores and starts healing. One piece at a time.
BUT GOD never gave up pursuing me.
BUT GOD continues to show me grace.
BUT GOD knows and understands my pain.
BUT GOD always have the best plans.
BUT GOD is close to the broken hearted.
BUT GOD knows me and what I need.
BUT GOD is more than enough.
BUT GOD is bigger than all my fears.
BUT GOD is bigger than all my failures.
BUT GOD is a good, good Father.
BUT GOD NEVER STOPPED LOVING ME.
“Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.”
My broken heart, when placed in the hands of the One that loves me the most is made new.
He can do the same for you. Place it in His hands and let Him make it new! It won’t be overnight, it will still be painful, you will be tempted to run away but stay. Stay at the center of His hand and let Him heal you. Immerse yourself in His word and His promises.
And in case I was not clear YES! GOD REALLY LOVES ME AND HE LOVES YOU TOO!
JC Yu is the UBELT District Coordinator for ELEVATE. He is passionate about winning the campuses for Jesus.