LIFE TO A DYING HEART
When I was a child, I always talked to God the way children would their parents. I thought it would be sufficient if I just talked to Him like He was any other person. All throughout my adolescent years I never knew that we should invest our time getting to know God and establishing a relationship with Him. I simply knew He was there. For me Jesus was real and that went for the Holy Spirit too. I never understood how much God really loved me.
As a teenager, I spent my time and energy on mundane things. I gave priority to my studies and living my life as I thought I should. But things changed when I contracted dengue fever while I was a college freshman. I was able to recover but complications plagued me.
A year later, I started experiencing chest pains. It began as an ordinary muscle spasm but an x-ray test showed that I had a cyst right beside my heart. The doctor asked for more tests to be done to determine whether it was in the heart or in the lungs. I was feeling very sick at the time, so my parents and I decided to let it be. We never considered the consequence. But after a year of excruciating chest pains, my family and I finally decided to go back to the doctor and find out what was really going on.
The diagnosis was another muscle spasm. At first I was hesitant to accept it because of the amount of pain I was going through – I knew there was something more. As I was preparing for my finals, I experienced another attack of severe chest pains. I thought I was going to die! There was no one in the house to help me. I then prayed to God and told Him that whatever happens, I knew He was going to take care of me and guide me. It was shortly after that when my parents arrived and rushed me to the hospital’s emergency room.
The doctors who treated me again came up with the same muscle spasm conclusion so we finally went for a second opinion. The new doctor found a lot of fluid in my left lung and said it was starting to fill up my right lung as well. I was admitted and went through two surgeries within a month. The surgeons were shocked because I was too young to have this kind of illness. They told me that I had a great deal of courage in fighting for my life. I thought it was going to end there but I was wrong.
A year of consultations and follow-up checkups drained us financially that we had to transfer to a public hospital for my treatment. Shortly after that, I began to spit blood. I told myself, “I’m on this journey again and I know it will never be easy.” It was not easy. After my third surgery, I recovered quickly. My family was ecstatic because they thought the nightmare was finally over.
Then, I vomited blood.
At that point I began asking God, “Why? Why me? Of all people, why me?” I gave up my dream to become an architect to focus on my recovery. In time, God was good enough to give me an opportunity to resume my studies – for free and in a prestigious university. Then, God seemed to take it all away from me again when my lung felt like it was going to rip out of my rib cage. I questioned His goodness and His love for me.
During my last surgery, I prayed again for courage and strength—but I did not surrender everything to Him. I was holding back with doubts. After the procedure, the doctors told my parents that they needed to take a portion of my lung because it was starting to decay inside due to a very rare complication. They were very grateful indeed, but when I woke up in the recovery room I started to feel tired.
I got tired of fighting and wondering if the nightmare I was in was ever going to end. I got tired of all the years I always put on a brave face, despite the uncertainties in my life. I did not pray for strength to keep up because I believed I could go through with my health problems on my own strength. Again, I was so wrong!
I refused to take my last dose of morphine (for the pain) before I was discharged. And when the pain shot through my chest again, I was helpless. I could not shout for help or move my body because of the intense pain. I started crying. I was so afraid. The thought of never graduating, the thought of dying haunted me. I started to pray again, this time to surrender. I told God that everything is from Him, whether good or bad and through His word I shall be healed. I fell asleep inspite the pain.
The morning after, miraculously I did not feel any pain at all. All the hardships of the past years seemed to be imaginary. There were no traces of any sting or pain – at all! GOD IS REAL! I will shout this out over and over! Not only is He real but that He also loves us! He has redeemed me, and I am a living testimony of His miraculous work.
As I write this story, I’ve graduated from college and am now in the ranks of the employed, ready to take on the world by God’s mercy and grace. I am beaming with confidence that God will not let His children stray nor depart from Him if they will only have the faith, repent from their old ways, and the commitment to accept Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior.
Mitch Tizon is a marketer by day, book lover by night, an artist at heart and a citizen of Heaven. Zeal in faith is my what my heart has set on to believe and will always have in following Jesus.” www.zealinfaith.wordpress.com