Today I’m sharing my salvation story. It’s not good, or particularly complete for that matter, but it’s my story and I feel that God’s been calling me to share this for a while now. I have always viewed testimonies—salvation testimonies in particular—as a spiritual exercise for both reader and sharer. I view salvation, see, not necessarily as a finished deliverance from harm or evil, but rather an incomplete process of deliverance. A continuous process of spiritual reform, if you will. To which we all have stages both personal and universal.
My life before I got saved was almost completely politically correct. I grew up in a Christian home, and except for the occasional spat with parents, siblings, or schoolmates, I mostly did as I was told. I prayed every evening before bed. I went to church every Sunday without fully knowing why. I read my little children’s Bible. This constituted my spiritual life throughout grade school. Like most kids in grade school I also had struggles, wants, and needs (but mostly wants). I yearned to be popular amongst my peers. I got bullied a lot because of it. This made me strive to earn their approval even more – both in habit, and in what they had. I asked my parents for the latest toys and video games even if I had no interest in them. I learned to curse fluently. Slowly I began living a double life: one in school, and one in church.
It was around the time that I realized this that I started to seriously consider Christ’s role in my life. More and more, I saw Christ as a way out from this double life of empty wants. The Bible was a way to escape from the bullying, and the doomed quests to be popular, and the blind obedience of the rest of my everyday life. In Christ I found someone true – someone who genuinely desired that you simply come as you are. For someone that spent most of his life seeking to be someone other than who he was, or if not, not seeking to be anyone in particular, that was a lifeline. And so I prayed hard about what His purpose was in my life, and requested for discipleship classes when I was 10 years old. I remember jumping around my Sunday School’s corridor after my first discipleship class. It was as if l was reborn.
I really want to say that salvation has allowed me to make a complete turnaround from this double life I live, but it hasn’t yet. After I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I actually found myself struggling with even more addictions and trials than I ever thought imaginable. I vividly remember discovering pornography around the same time I was officially baptised. Salvation hasn’t completely cured my cursing habit or my porn addiction. Heck, I actively questioned God more once I had firmly decided to allow Jesus to have the final say in my life and choices. It’s a bit of an oxymoron, I know, but there you have it. Whether or not salvation has made me more vulnerable to these trials, or whether it has only made me aware of them, I don’t know. But the point is that salvation struck me, and continues to carry me.
It has showed me the realness of God in a world full of evidence to the contrary. Never before have I wondered whether I truly was saved, sinful as I am. And the fact that salvation brought these questions to light only reinforces me to seek more of the Lord. It only reinforces His realness to me. Don’t be fooled: these struggles and doubts I face, I don’t condone nor glorify. I am broken when I shouldn’t be. As Romans 6:2 says: “We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?” Yet therein lies the beauty of my salvation story. It is not that I continue to sin— that being problematic—but rather that God is revealing His grace to me in my complete brokenness. He is putting me back together as we speak.
Jedd Ong is from this world, but not of it. Words give form to his God-filled, godless world. View his works at http://hellopoetry.com/jedd-ong