He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.
Proverbs 18:22

Getting engaged, then married is one of the seasons of life for an average individual. It is a season when two individuals take a step further into their relationship, growing in friendship and in love with each other; a time to prepare for the appointed time they become one flesh. The wise king Solomon once said that “There is a season for every matter under heaven.” When I was young, I used to dream about who the girl I will marry – what would she look like, what would her job be or how will I make her fall in love with me. I would find myself preoccupied with those thoughts but I would also realize that there is something more important than just merely THINKING than actually LIVING it by preparing myself to be a man worth marrying.

The Bible tells us that, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” The word, find is a verb to be acted upon. Are brides missing that we should find them? Are they hiding in their castles waiting forever for a brave prince that will take them to another kingdom far away?

“A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man should seek Him just to find her.”
– Maya Angelou

So how then could a man find a wife of his dreams? Let me share the guidelines I had before I entered this betrothal stage which I am currently enjoying God’s gift in this season.

HAVE THE RIGHT MINDSET ABOUT GOD’S IDEALS.

God ordained the institution of marriage. And so as there was the season called “betrothal period.” Someone asked me, “How did you know that she is the one? Didn’t you propose too soon?”

During Bible times in Israel, and according to the law, being betrothed to a virgin was given high regard. Society regarded them as married because a covenant was made by the couple with their parents together with some witnesses.  It is then that they enter a betrothal period – a privileged relationship that they can enjoy together while preparing for their wedding day while they still live with their own respective parents (no sex allowed). God’s ideals is as high as a covenant relationship. I understand cultural differences about different views regarding dating, courtship and engagement. But the bottom line is when we start considering someone in prayer, we always take on the perspective of pursuing marriage, not merely a boyfriend-and-girlfriend relationship alone.

YOU MUST EQUIP YOURSELF BEFORE YOU GO TO BATTLE.

A man should be prepared before thinking or considering someone to pursue. Yes, before you pursue someone for marriage. Make sure to always evaluate yourself if you are already prepared to commit. Are you spiritually stable to lead a family? Emotionally ready to make a commitment to love someone unconditionally? Physically, mentally, financially strong enough for a wife to take refuge under your care? Make sure you have a clear plan and clear standards. Men usually tend to become more logical and practical. Try to list down standards of a woman of noble character you like on a paper. Pray for it. Ask God to help you discern His will to lead you to the right princess you would rescue. I had my checklist before I proposed my intention of pursuing my woman and I carefully prayed for her response to my love as well.

GO FIND HER. FIGHT FOR HER.

Seek her heart by having pure and clear intentions. This is the battle in winning her heart.

A woman’s core is usually filled with insecurity so give her security. Ask the blessing of your parents and the permission of her parents about your thoughts of pursuing  her. Fighting for her heart is doing something brave and being consistent in your efforts. You must maintain your passion once you have won the heart of the woman you love.

The “in-love” experience will die down, but if you pursue God’s will continually, you will be able to discern His will or you.


Darwin B. Cruz is a servant of Christ. Passionate Preacher. Disciple Maker. Loves to write. Tech savy guy. Consistently integrating biblical values into Mathematics Education.