I worry a lot – whether it’s about my grades, our financial status as a family, what people think of me, what I think should happen or what I think shouldn’t happen. I just really worry a lot and because of this, I have resolved to do things that would make me feel good or alive inside even if it’s just for a little while.
When I was in high school, I never really understood why – and in all honesty, I don’t remember much – but I never had a good relationship with my mother, or with anyone from my family except my father, for that matter. That’s why when things got really bad between my mom and me, I moved in with my dad. The problem is that my stepmom and I also don’t see eye to eye. I’m really trying to get along with her but it is really difficult.
So safe to say “home” never really felt like “home”. Actually, it hasn’t felt like home for the last 5 years. I can still remember the days when I would actually love to go to school because being at home just meant never-ending arguments. For my entire high school life, I pretty much just focused on my studies.
When I entered college, things became more bearable because my dad pretty much felt like I was old enough to make my own decisions. That means me being at my other relatives’ place more often than necessary. It also meant more time to hang out with friends. I turned to extra-curricular activities to help pass the time. I auditioned for a local radio station’s Student Program; I ran for class representative and because of that, I met a lot of people in campus. I hosted events, I modeled for a little while, and I studied a lot because of my course. They all made me happy for the time being but I always felt empty at the end of the day.
Stress from school is understandable. Stress from friends is bearable. But stress from home is the worst because it’s the one place you’re supposed to be able to run to at the end of the day, but it wasn’t like that for me.
I was never really what Catholics would call as the “religious type.” I would go to church on my own every Sunday but I never really took to heart what the Gospel was all about, which is why I constantly found myself talking to God in the form of thinking aloud whenever I’m in the comfort of my own room.
After years of not seeing each other, a friend and I decided to hang out at her place. I expected her to be all preachy and for me to feel uncomfortable with her talking about her faith. But to my surprise, I was actually involved in our conversation. I was very interested with what she had to say. Little did I know, God was already speaking through her and I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior on March 25, 2013.
Now, I didn’t magically evolve into a mystical creature with wings and glitters all over her body like a Pokemon but, boy, would that be cool. However I felt so happy that I cried. It was beautiful because I finally found my REAL Father to back me up in life and that thru Jesus Christ. I no longer had to resort to doing so many things just to feel fulfilled. The Holy Spirit has filled me with the peace that transcends all understanding and has given me constant joy.
A lot has happened to me in the months that followed. I found myself growing bit-by-bit and seeing things in a whole different way. I finally talked to my biological mom again and started to reconnect with other people as well. Slowly but surely, I was changing for the better.
I’d like to end my testimony with what I believe is my life verse. I discovered this verse during Camp.
Jeremiah 29:11 says
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans fpr welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
So you see, God knows what He’s doing. It is now up to us to fully submit ourselves to the plans of God because with Him, there is no Plan B. There’s only Plan A. The Plan A that would give us fulfillment beyond what the world can offer.
31 Girls is a Christian community for women where they share God’s love by aiming to be a safe place where girls can fell they’re not alone in what they are going through and that there is still joy after all the wrongs.